I’m walking this rope over a grand ravine
The wind hits my bones, making it hard to breathe
I can’t wake up; this is not a dream
I get to a cave and find there’s no way but through
There’s no escape, and nobody here but you
Heart is pounding, where is the end?
This forest feels safe, so different than where I’ve been
So much has changed, but somehow I’m still afraid
Please don’t leave me; I can’t be alone
Grief Stage: Denial and Isolation
I tend to process and visualize parts of my story through metaphors. This has specifically proven true in my writing on Grief. So it seemed fitting that the opening song of this EP was simply using metaphors to describe the isolation that is felt after loss.
I think it’s beautiful that grief is specific to each individual. Details are important, but so is how we describe and remember those details. As an artist, my goal is to bring feelings like grief to life; to put a picture with an experience that is often too difficult to express with words.
There are seasons when grief is so incredibly oppressive and unbearable that I’m convinced I won’t see the other side of it.
The first picture that came to mind when I thought of how crippling grief can be, was an untrained person walking a rope across a giant ravine with whipping winds. Put yourself in that place (since most of you probably aren’t tight rope experts). Can you feel the fear and hopelessness of that image? It’s terrifying but accurate.
Part of my grieving process has been acknowledging that loss has changed my life - not just a moment in my life. Major events aren’t going to be quite like I imagined they would be.
Graduation. Traveling to new places. Getting new jobs. Getting engaged. Getting married. Buying a house.
These are just a few things that I’ve had the joy of experiencing, but also had to also acknowledge the grief that came with not being able to share them with my mom. It hurts a lot, but I’ve learned that it’s ok and even good that the loss still hurts.
This is my current season. Life feels safer than what I’ve experienced in the past. But I’m wary of life feeling “good”. I can’t help but think something terrible is around the corner, but that mindset will steal the joy from the “good” things in my life. The last line of the song is a cry to not stay in that place of isolation, to not be left alone.
Whatever place you are in with grief, be gracious with yourself.